Auld Lang (Ask Auntie)

Remember “Ask Auntie”? The little advice column that, after a while, couldn’t – if only because I have enough pride not to write pretend letters.

Well, lookit what was in my inbox(!):

Dear Aunt Scary,

I have a, let's say, smaller than average penis. I have been in a long term relationship that ended badly, mostly because of my "size".

I'm about to start dating again, but I'm unsure at which point I should bring up the topic. I'd rather not wait for the wrong time.
Thank you,

Little Ego

Sent from my iPhone=

Dear Ego,

Thank you for writing to Aunt Scarycookies. I’ve had more than one male friend with this problem. I don’t mean the condition, I mean being judged for it.

We all feel inadequate about something, and if we live long enough, someone is going to reject us because of that something, however unfairly.

The cliché response is that anyone who’d reject you out of hand like that (ahem) is shallow and bitchy and not someone you’d want to be with in the long term. While that’s probably true, it doesn’t help.

It also doesn’t answer your question.

Not on the first date. You may not want a second date yourself, so it’d be moot anyhow.

But before you get naked, you’ll probably have some discussion of past relationships. Mention it then, stressing your ex’s other unreasonable qualities without rancor. You don’t want to look bitchy yourself. Just make it clear that this is a stupid reason to dump someone.

Also, let’s be sure that you’re doing all the right things everywhere else, like paying attention, showing concern, responding appropriately, demonstrating respect – because sometimes, when someone is frustrated and angry, they’ll take the easy, hurtful way out.

Relationships rarely end well. The best you can hope for is to minimize the misfortune.

Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said “minimize”.

If you’re wondering why Auntie didn’t suggest reading the Kama Sutra™, it’s because I’ve read it. At least I started to. Trust me, that won’t help.

Send your questions to AuntScarycookies@aol.com