Can You Keep A Secret?

Did I ever tell you I went to massage school? It was in 1992. I learned quite a bit about anatomy and kinesthetics. Arguably more importantly -- but definitely more unexpectedly -- I learned how to keep a secret.

Let me back up. I was doing Kung Fu at the time. The Sifu used to make everyone learn healing arts commensurate with our newfound ability to do damage. (Harmony, balance, blah blah etc)

It’s a measure of how much I sucked at Kung Fu that massage school was considered sufficient.

Anyhow, I went. The physiology was real, and difficult. I memorized the Latin names of almost every muscle, learned origin and attachment points and generally gave myself the basis for becoming a kick-ass bodybuilding trainer, which of course wasn’t why I was there. But I digress.

This is about secrets.

In massage school, every class started with all 30 of us standing in a circle. We held hands. We said Om.

Ugh.

What sucked worse was when the hippie-dippy one of the three instructors would have us go around the circle and Share. Sure, she was a New Age acolyte, but she was also a demon bitch on wheels to anyone who hadn’t drunk the organic agave-sweetened Kool-Aid™.

Auntie doesn’t do Kool-Aid™. And despite all evidence to the contrary, Auntie doesn’t Share.

However, in all fairness, I had committed to the program. I had to speak when it was my turn, and do it in good faith with genuine sincerity. Anything less would have been both disingenuous and hypocritical.

Over the months of the class, I learned how to keep my secrets when all around me were losing theirs. It hasn’t been quite as useful as all the physiology, but it’s still a good skill to have.

How, you ask? Simple.

All I had to do was respond to whatever one of the previous students had shared. Since they were throwing some serious trauma and emotion around, there was a smorgasbord from which to choose. I could commiserate, or offer validation or support. I used my minutes to say anything that seemed appropriate – about one of them.

No, that wasn’t hypocritical. The whole point to the Sharing was to speak truth to the room. I did that. I just chose my truth, and kept my secrets.

Well, I kept them until the Internet came around and I started to blog.

Would anyone like to try some of my ironic karma-sweetened Kool-Aid™?

Ommm.