Know Your Audience

“Know your audience” should be a mantra in L.A.

The clichés are true. There are a lot of actors here. Even after all this time, I’m still surprised by how often they try to impress the people around them, as if we-the-public are their audience. As if we care.

(I once made an actor joke to someone I was sure wasn’t an actor. Guess what. Oops.)

But you don’t have to be an actor to have an audience.

If the person in the next cubicle can hear you, that counts as an audience. Any class clown knows what an audience is.

I’ve been an unwilling audience in elevators, supermarkets, bank lines – you name it.

Right now you’re my audience. I don’t know who you are, or anything else about you other than that you’re still reading this. Thanks for that. Big hug and smiles!

I doubt you’re particularly impressed, though.

If you want someone to be impressed by you or whatever you’re doing, then you have to do something they think is impressive. The cashier, bank teller or waitress might not agree with you that your harangue is witty and clever, or that your lamentations are tragic.

You have to know who is listening, understand them, and act accordingly to get the reaction you want. It’s a lot of bother. Is your ego worth it? Mine isn’t, but then I’m lazy.

I’m also a tough crowd. All those earnest young men in Starbucks working on screenplays with their laptops turned so the rest of us can see don’t impress me. There are often as many laptops as there are tables, and I’d rather be able to sit down.

And if you’re going to strut around the gym and curl your lip at dowdy middle-aged me, then you’d better train with proper form or else Auntie will laugh at you and generate sarcastic tweets based on your apparent narcissism. On the other hand, go ahead. I can use the material.

I’ve been impressed by talent, skill and intelligence, but I’ve also been impressed by gratuitous kindness, an apt retort or a casual but thoughtful gesture.

Most recently, I was impressed by my dog. Jonah has taken to doing his business right next to the trash can by the bus stop. He really knows how to work an audience.