Hear, Hear, New Year

There’s a saying, “The opposite of talking isn’t listening; the opposite of talking is waiting.”

Oh, you don’t do that. You listen. But you’d probably agree that most people don’t. Most people just wait for their turn to speak, or only hear what they expect to hear. Then they argue with what they thought they heard even if it wasn’t what you said, but never mind that.

I suspect that an optimist would hear what s/he wants (not expects) to hear, but I don’t know any optimists so I can’t ask.

We value listening --- well, we value it when people listen to us. We like people who listen to us. It means they’re paying attention to us.

Think about that for a sec.

They’re “paying” attention. We’re being compensated. But compensated for what?

Relax. Auntie isn’t giving a pop quiz today. That was rhetorical.

We’re being compensated for our affection, or if not affection, at the very least our good will. That’s why politicians and telemarketers and Hi-I’m-Kevin-your-waiter all seem so solicitous. They profit from our good will so they try to buy it with attention.

Before you say anything, sincerity isn’t on the table right now. Not even the table in Kevin-your-waiter’s section.

Anyhow, we’re talking about listening.

A cynic might say that we like it when people listen to us because we think that if they’re not interrupting us, then they’re agreeing with us.

I know lots of cynics. I could ask one of them, but I might not hear the answer I want.

That’s a joke. It’s true, but it’s a joke.

Most of us think we’re good listeners. Some of you are. I don’t know if I am.

How can we tell? We can measure listening by understanding, as in how much and how well the listener understood what was said.

Most of us think we’re good understanders. Some of you are. I try to be.

That would be a good New Year’s resolution, to try to understand better, or at the very least, to listen better.

Then again, maybe I’m being optimistic. I'll just try to wait more patiently while you're talking instead.