Substitution, Mass Confusion

I’ve been replacing intangible things all morning and now my hands smell like bleach.

(Yes, I am well aware that I’ve fallen into a pattern of beginning each post with an enigmatic statement without a shred of context. Thank you for noticing. The system works dammit and I’m not fixing it.)

It started when I replaced next Tuesday with next Wednesday. That was easily done, though there will be ramifications. Next, I replaced this morning, Friday morning, with Monday morning.

That’s why my hands smell like bleach. I was going to do the big cleaning on Monday.

Gotcha! You probably thought that your philosopher Auntie meant significant intangibles. Granted, the bleach was a bit of foreshadowing.

Nobody ever ended up smelling like bleach after contemplating a significant intangible.

Well, nobody except me.

I don’t iPod or mp3 or podcast or anything. I just scrub and think. So I end up contemplating significant intangibles when I run out of insignificant ones. This is what I came up with:

Intangible #1: A new tweet, one I rather liked. It’s been retweeted twice already, so at least two other people liked it too.

Intangible #2: A new plan.

Daunting as it is, Auntie has decided to go back to doing jokes-a-day. It’s been more than a year. It’s time.

So, like I always do, I’m telling you all of this to force me to follow through.

But this is a post about substitution. And the last thing I substituted was doing this post instead of the jokes.

I’d blame the clouds inside my head but that would make it too easy to identify the song whence came the title quote.

Bye, bye love. I’m off to try to be funny.