(Ask Auntie) Yes, You Are!

Dear Aunty Scary,

A woman where I work seems to be going through a rough patch right now. I’m not exactly sure what it is. Office gossip has two different stories going. Some people are joking about placing bets. (I hope they’re joking!)

Naturally I’m curious. I also think it would be helpful to her if the rest of us knew what’s going on. Can you give me a polite way to ask?

Not Nosy Just Curious

Dear Nosy,

Nope. I can’t, because there isn’t one.

(And yes, you are being nosy.)

You didn’t explain how you know your coworker is in distress. If she’s missing a lot of work, it could be a child or a spouse or a family member who has the problem.

I’m assuming that she doesn’t have visible bruises or bandages. If her eyes are red, that could be allergies as much as it could be tears. Or she could just be tired because she’s spending her nights binge-watching that terrific TV show everyone was talking about last week.

The thing is, none of the above is any of your business, nor is it your business if she really is in distress. Since you’ve made it clear that she is a coworker and not a friend, and since this is a business relationship, Auntie suggests that you mind yours.

But there is one thing you can do, provided that you can do it in good faith. Are you ready? Here it is:

You can offer to help in a specific way with a specific activity, and add that you’re also willing to be of some further unspecified work-related assistance.

Don’t say “Let me know if I can help.” Auntie hates that. It’s too vague. Besides, if your coworker felt comfortable asking for help, she would have done so already.

Make an offer that’s particular enough that she knows you’re sincere, and open ended enough that if she has something else that needs doing, she might mention it as an alternative.

And who knows? If you do end up working together to get her stuff done, you might find that you also get to know each other well enough that your curiosity is satisfied.

Auntie trusts that you won’t take advantage of that in the betting pool.