Sunday, April 6, 2014

(Ask Auntie) Rhymes With Snore

Dear Auntie Scary,

What do you do about boring people?


Eye-rolling in Ohio

Dear Eye-Rolling,

You stop being one.

Friday, April 4, 2014

(Ask Auntie) Asked & Un-Answered

We have not one but two (count’em 2!) letters in the inbox today!

Woefully, the first one had an unfamiliar return address and included an attachment. It might not have been a woeful attachment. It might've been a completely woe-less attachment. But the attachment might have been a bringer of woe, ergo we all are forever bereft of the contents because I deleted that sucker right away.

That said, there is another.

Woo hootie hoo! Going live now…

Good Day,

I am George Thompson, an Attorney from Republic of Togo. It might interest you to know that i have a deceased client that bears the same surname with you, who is now late. He deposited the sum of Nine million five hundred thousand US dollars $9.5million in a bank here. I am contacting you to stand as his heir,reply if you need For further information. waiting for your reply Sincerely Yours,
Please Reply to my private Email Address:(REDACTED)
Lawyer George Thompson(Esq)

Dear Lawyer George Thompson(Esq),

Thank you for writing to Aunt Scarycookies. Please understand that “Aunt” is not my first name. It’s more of an honorific.

Also my last name isn’t really Scarycookies. Therefore, if your deceased client’s surname was Scarycookies, you’re S.O.L. on this end.

If, on the other hand, your deceased client was just Mr. Cookies, that’s too cute. I'm very sorry he's "now late" but I do think that being deceased is an excellent excuse and you should cut him some slack.

Thanks again, and remember, send your comments, questions and apparently excess spam to

But if you include an attachment, you too will be S.O.L.

Have a nice day.