Saturday, December 27, 2014

This just happened! Yes, really.

Not ten minutes ago I was out front, using the garden hose & a plastic fork to clean dog shit out of the treads of my favorite Dansko™s (the brown brocade ones with the gold sparkles, Sis knows which ones I mean) when --- I swear to God & the patron saint of cute shoes & serendipity --- this happened:

There was an odd noise. It wasn’t loud, just a cross between a thrum and a buzz with a little humminess thrown in. I looked up.

A hummingbird with a metallic red head was hovering at my eye level close enough to touch. I didn’t move.

Involuntarily, I found myself thinking, “Oh. Hello.”

It was still there. We were both still there.

No, I didn’t say anything out loud. No, I didn’t “hear” magical voices or feel a sudden impulse to go out and save the world or anything else. It was just a hummingbird. It was beautiful, and it was hovering but otherwise immobile for longer than I’ve ever seen a hummingbird stay still, but that’s unusual not impossible. Magic still doesn’t exist.

Hang in there, sweetie. This is your Auntie Scarycookies. Trust me. Wait for it. ;)

Of course I eventually won the stare down and the little bird thrum-buzz-hummied off.

NOW here’s the thing: Magic may not exist, but superstition sure does. And who do you know who is more superstitious than your Auntie?

Ha. Your adolescent sarcasm notwithstanding, damn straight no one else.

I’m taking this as a powerfully positive good omen. Because we’re so close to New Year, I’m taking it to apply to all of 2015. And because the first thought I had was to come in here and tell all of you about it, I’m taking it to apply to you, too.

Yes, I knocked wood after each sentence in the preceding paragraph just in case.

So Happy New Year my darlings. I promise to try to blog more often than once a month, but if I don’t, come see me on Twitter and Quora. Big hug!

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Ask Auntie -- The Not So Cold Fish

Dear Aunt Scary,

Help! I'm reasonably attractive. I know how to make conversation and I do get asked out. But after one or two dates, the guys always vaporize. Apparently I come across as cold and reserved. Don't tell me to smile and make eye contact because I do that. I don't want to be slutty, but I would like to get to a third date.

Please tell me how to fake chemistry.


Not a fish

Dear Fish,

You can't force chemistry, and trust Auntie, you don't want to fake it. Don't worry, there is a lot you can do to express interest.

Since you're already smiling and making eye contact, I'll move on from there. Start by using physical contact for emphasis. This means patting his hand or touching his arm, either when you're making a point or when you want to show you appreciate something he said.

Sit straight (posture counts!) but lean toward him. Keep your arms unfolded. When you're walking, place yourself a little closer to him than you're probably doing -- not so much that you actually bump into him, but close enough for proximity warmth.

The idea is to demonstrate your interest with physical gestures and general physicality in order not to seem reserved. The trick is to stay on the cordial side and not fall into sluttiness. It's not difficult, it just requires a different kind of spatial awareness.

Thanks for asking me. I hope this helps.

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