Monday, May 5, 2014

Thanks For Calling!

Guess what! Today is their second wedding anniversary. It’s his second marriage but he says he got it right this time. His wife is a screenwriter and has been hand-picked by Keith Richards to write the next Rolling Stones biopic, which will be based on the life of (first & last names redacted) who was Keith Richards’ valet in the 70s & 80s.

Who was this, you ask?

I'll explain in a minute. Be patient.

And did you know that Ringo Starr named Led Zeppelin? I sure didn’t.

Meanwhile, he (the guy, not Ringo Starr) just had his high school reunion, which went very well indeed, and kudos for that. I won’t go into the reminiscences, but rest assured that he included first and last names for everyone mentioned.

No, Auntie doesn’t have a new BFF nor a long-lost cousin.

(Auntie only has lost cousins, har har, never mind, I thought it was funny.)

Auntie answered the telephone. He was a telemarketer. ‘Nuff said.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Change Of Address for "Ask Auntie"

Just so you know, the “Ask Auntie” feature of this blog has officially moved to its own space.

Don’t bother looking yet, there’s nothing new. I just moved over some of my favorite letters from this blog to get the new one started.

Keep sending your questions to but don’t watch this space for the answers. That’s when you should go to the new one.

The Entertainment Of His Choice...

Yes, my darlings, Auntie is back! Of course, we were only in Las Vegas for two days so that doesn’t explain how long it’s been since my last post, but still.

I have a cute story for you and that’s all that matters.

We were in an adorable Italian restaurant in the Venetian. No, that doesn’t narrow it down much but never mind. The point is that it was semi-posh and very, very full of businessmen.

(Auntie isn’t being sexist here. There was an IBM convention in town, and the male/female ration was along the lines of a kazillion to one. Don’t ask about the other demographics.)

Anyhow, we’re sitting at a nice big table, listening to our feet ache after walking the length & breadth of the Strip for four hours, when two Brooks Brothers™ suited guys took the teeny table next to us.

Suit #1 started going on and on about how chlorinated the tap water is in Vegas, especially compared to Austin.

Suit #2 offered a level of comfort that I usually reserve for tragedies requiring hospitalization.

Emboldened, Suit #1 went on to describe – in detail -- how he’d been experimenting in his hotel room, pouring water from glass to glass trying to aerate it. It sounded like quite a production.

I leaned over to Robert and said, “Most guys come to Vegas and watch strippers.”