Tuesday, November 16, 2010

That's Not Nice

I’ve said it before. I believe that if you can help someone then you are morally obligated to try. This doesn't mean you should do something that makes you seem nice -- whether they want you to or not. It's only help if it improves the situation. Besides, if a gesture is unwelcome, how nice can it be?

“You look really good today.” Judging someone, even favorably, is not nice. That’s ego. For the record, a genuine compliment is not a judgment; it’s an expression of appreciation. You'll have to decide which is which based on your situation. If your boss said that, it’s different than if a friend said it. I'll give you a hint: niceness is about social comfort. If you feel uncomfortable, you were probably hit by a favorable judgment. Or maybe just hit on.

A woman at my gym introduces herself by saying, “I’m a nice person,” and then she talks about herself until you chew through your leg and escape. One poor guy was stuck for half an hour. Every time I walked by, he was darting desperate glances right and left, though he kept nodding and saying “uh huh.” Maybe he was nice.

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