Hot Pants (Ask Auntie)

That last letter sure primed the pump. Auntie got another one already:

Dear Aunt Scary Cookies,

I've always been oblivious. I never know when somebody is hitting on me until one of my friends tells me far too late to be able to do anything about it. I've missed so many opportunities over the years and I don't want another to go past!

Clueless in Seattle

Dear Clueless,

Opportunities for what, exactly? No, don’t answer. We all know.

What Auntie is trying to say is that someone who wants to get to know you better will do just that. They’ll keep talking to you. They’ll suggest getting together another time to continue the conversation. Things will either progress, or they won’t.

But you didn’t mean that, did you? You meant a chance for some spontaneous and, however statistically unlikely, great sex.

Well, let’s not let that happen ever again.

If you want to be absolutely, positively sure that you never miss a possible hook-up, your safest bet is to assume that everybody you see and/or meet is trying to get into your pants.

That way, if any of them really are, you’re set.

Just be nice. Good manners are even more important in the bedroom (or wherever you two crazy kids end up) than on the street. Or on the street if you end up there, but please, not while you’re driving.

In other words, go for it.

That’s my general advice for anyone who saw themselves in your letter. But wait, there’s more.

See, I recognized your email address. You’re quite a hottie. This gives your question a whole different tone, because there are a lot of hopefuls who might not have the guts to hit on you openly. So you’d be helping them out. It’s almost altruistic.

But all of you darlings, please remember this: No glove, no love. Have safe fun!

Send your questions to: AuntScarycookies@aol.com