Auntie is properly squeamish about all things scatological and/or bathroom related, but I don’t understand why so many of you find toilet paper embarrassing.
No, not the kind stuck to a shoe. I’m talking about the nice, clean, unused stuff. It’s innocuous. You can’t even get a paper cut from it. Really, my only problem with it is when I’m somewhere where there should be some, but there isn’t any.
What’s the big deal?
Auntie can buy the big pack of Quilted Northern™ without cringing or looking sideways to see if anyone is watching. You know, like the other people in that aisle are doing.
I’ve seen high-fashion player-types turn into meerkats when I happen to walk by them making their T.P. selection. A big, burly, tattooed man practically blushed. A woman scurried away from me empty-handed when I took a package next to the one she was pondering so seriously.
If they weren’t embarrassed, they sure as shooting looked like they were. (That’s with two o’s and one t, not one i and two t’s, no matter how apropos the alternative.)
But why? I’ve been trying to figure that out for a while now.
By “while” I probably mean your lifetime, but let’s not make Auntie feel more decrepit than necessary. This isn’t a “kids today” tissue issue.
Yes, of course I’ve asked people directly. I have to wait til it comes up in conversation, though, and that’s pretty rare. Even so, I have asked.
The responses were all variations on, “I dunno. It just is.”
But, I counter, absolutely everyone who sees you buy it, uses it too. No one ever has an answer for that.
Until yesterday.
Turns out I know someone who knows someone who had a roommate who never used toilet paper. Every time he needed to, he’d take a shower and soap himself clean.
Seriously.
Now that is embarrassing.
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