Goofy Gladiators

Last night was my last night, and what a swan song it was. Of course I’m talking about the weekly Cage Match show at the Upright Citizens’ Brigade Theater. I am an unabashed Heather & Miles fan-dame. (I can’t say “fan chick” for obvious reasons.) With four exceptions, none of you ever heard of either Heather or Miles, and for that you have Auntie’s sympathy.

Although they won to face the final gauntlet next week, I won’t be there. Not because of last night, I have what grown-ups call a "scheduling conflict" for the next few Wednesdays. And without Heather and/or Miles, there’s no way I’m trying to park in Hollywood at eleven o’clock at night ever again. It’s been a captivating experience. I mean like Stockholm syndrome, but we’ll get to that.

Normally, to attend Cage Match, you make the reservations sometime before the day of the show, show up about 20-30 minutes early, wait in line, pay $5 and voila. Each week Heather & Miles ascended, the reservations went faster and faster. Last week it took 14 minutes to sell out. We arrived about an hour early, waited IN THE RAIN amid a crowd of noisy cool kids. Imagine being jammed next to a moderately stinky trashcan, in the rain, for an hour, for a titular 11 p.m. show time. We were the last two to get in. There were 40 or 50 people in line behind us hoping for stand-by seats. Inside, it was standing room only.

I have a love/hate relationship with the audience. It’s 98% twenty-ish hipster, and they are amazingly annoying. They pose and they sneer and they get up my nose. But pack a room with them and their enthusiasm is infectious (literally, my throat is sore and I’m coughing today) and fun. That’s where the Stockholm syndrome comes in. Even your cranky old Auntie screamed “Luchador mask!” at the appropriate moment. I can’t tell you why without violating an unspoken covenant.

Harrison Brown is in charge of the show. He’s cute as a button and a shrewdly good host. I’d watch his stand-up anywhere, if it started at least before 9 or 10. Every week he puts together a brief montage of the show and posts it on youtube. Don’t look. Improv isn’t funny without context. It’s like reading a list of punchlines without setups. Please don’t tell Mr. Brown I said that, though. I like him, and he works very hard.

Last night Heather & Miles were so good, so in sync and so funny that even in shallow, superficial, star-fucking Hollywood, they beat out two current sit-com stars and their really funny team-mate. I love Heather & Miles. I miss them already. They had damned well better win next week, even without me.