More Boobs!

or

Wacky Hijinks At The DMV


There’s a dirty little secret that isn’t a secret at all about jury duty. Go ahead, turn and spit, I’ll wait.

Done? Good. Now, some people get called more often than others to do jury service. I’m one of them. (God forbid, knocking wood, oh wait, I’m clear til October – nah, knocking wood anyhow.) Well, during my last interminable day in the jury room, I found out that there are two pools whence summonses come, one is the DMV and the other is the registrar of voters. If your name is different on your license than the way it’s listed when you vote, you’re called twice as often. The Jury Room Nanny herself told us to fix it.

You can be sure I checked. Of course my full name, with middle name, is on my driver’s license. I’m registered to vote with just my first name, middle initial and last name. Since I’m not a complete idiot, I opted to change the voter registry. After all, why deal with the DMV if I don’t have to? Turns out the voter registration form only has room for the middle initial. Sigh.

Today, for reasons which are not mine to tell, I ended up taking someone on a mad last-minute dash to the Pasadena DMV. What the hell, I was there anyhow.

I waited in the non-appointment line, got up to the window, and asked the man to change my name on my driver’s license. He demanded court papers. I had none. I explained about the court telling us to change our licenses to match our voter registration. He said that I couldn’t change my license without a court decree showing my new name. We went back and forth. The line behind me was ready to do me grievous harm for blocking the window.

“Please, it’s still my name. I just want to list it under my middle initial, not my whole middle name.”

The DMV man replied, “You want! You want! I don’t care what you want!”

It didn’t take too much begging to get a fresh voter registration form. You know, the one with only enough space for a middle initial. I think I’m going to have a two-part first name. Maybe if I toss some salt over the form and cross my fingers whilst I fill it out, or hold my breath or turn my clothes inside out. Hey, you never know. Besides, it's the best I can do.