Fat Chance

Let’s try this again. “You’ve lost weight” is still NOT a compliment.

Yes, yes, we’ve covered this before. Apparently some of you need a refresher. Thinner isn’t necessarily better.

Losing weight to prevent or combat a medical condition can be helpful. Healthy is more attractive than unhealthy. I’ll stipulate all that.

But face it: A little extra weight won’t give you a stroke or diabetes, and losing it won’t make people think you’re hot even if you have the personality of a constipated toad.

Oh sure, I grew up with TV. I saw magazines. I went to movies. I even had a grandmother who wept tears of disappointment at my obesity when I was a 5’8”, 115 lb teenaged ballet student. And I’d probably look better now if I dropped a few pounds. So what? It won’t change who I am or how you feel about me.

If you want to give somebody a compliment, like with any other dialogue, say what you mean.

Are you glad to see them? Do they look great? Then just say that, dammit.

True story, this morning a guy said to me, “You’ve lost weight.” I said, “Oh, no!” He looked puzzled, and said, “You’re not trying to lose weight?” I said, “No, I’m not.” He had trouble with that. I knew he was trying to be nice, but it whiffed big time.

So if you’re the one who is trying to be nice, stick with the weather. Or, even in a contentious election year, politics is a safer topic. We show our values in our politics, and it’s better to insult someone’s morality than it is to risk bruising their delicate self-image.

Saying just about anything else is usually better than a failed compliment. And assuming someone is on a diet is like assuming someone is pregnant.*

Guess what, you’re not making an ass out of me, you’re on your own there.

*I wanted a gender neutral example, but I have it on good authority that guys don't make comments to other guys about their appearance. Which ought to make me rewrite this whole thing as a feminist rant but I won't.