There's No Question

The ubiquity of therapy-speak is a side effect of something, I don’t know what, probably the 1980s or 90s. In any case, we all know that “passive aggressive” is an insult of a category that usually includes one’s mother.

Passive-aggressive is bad. We capisce. We grok. But do we stop? Hell no.

Today’s example comes from the gym, of course, as so many of my examples do. As I mentioned two posts ago, I had slacked for a month. My return this week led to the following conversation:

Them: “I haven’t seen you for a while.”

Me, smiling: “Nope, I guess not.”

Them: (waits)

Me: (smiles again)

Them: “There’s no need to take offense, I was just interested.”

Obviously no question had been asked. Nor had any offense been taken, but that’s beside the point. It’s also beside the point that no question had been asked because we all know that a question was implied, as was a judgment.

The problem is I don’t play passive-aggression when I can help it.

Had the person come out and asked where I’ve been, I would have either turned it with a small joke or made some polite abstraction that conveyed nothing. Asking a question doesn’t necessarily entitle someone to an answer.

Privacy is still socially acceptable.

(Go ahead and comment on the irony of my blogging that particular sentiment.)

Only courtesy is a requirement, and I made damned sure that I was courteous and even cordial. It wasn’t enough. In the end, I had to be more friendly than sincere in order to not come off like a bitch. I kinda resent that, but it’s done.

No wonder “passive aggressive” is an insult. It’s a pain in the ass for all concerned.

I really grok that now.