Restaurant Wars (Ask Auntie)

Help, please Aunt Scary!

I have a friend who turns into a beast from Hell in restaurants. This person can’t just order something, it has to be hold this, extra that and when it comes it’s never hot enough and has to go back to the kitchen to be reheated.

Other than end the friendship, what can I do?

Crawling under the table in Embarrassment


Dear “Crawling”,

As a semi-vegetarian who has to know ingredients to avoid dysentery, I almost see both sides. Then again, Auntie isn’t going to order chili con carne and ask them to hold the meat.

Is your buddy avoiding menu items that meet the criteria? If you’re in an Italian place and you’re lactose intolerant, don’t get lasagna. You can have the chicken marsala, though, without a second thought. Let’s say your entrée of choice is described in the menu as “bathed in béchamel.” Hold your head up, say please, and ask for the sauce on the side. But your friend didn’t write to me, you did. And if Picky Pat had a sense of perspective, there wouldn’t be an issue.

Assuming that you meant the word “friend”, and that your friend isn’t being openly hostile to the wait-staff, then I’d suggest keeping a short list of places you don’t like or even better, where you had bad service, and only take Picky Pat there. If you really feel sorry for the server, you can add a bit to the tip. If Picky Pat notices, you can say that you thought the service was exceptional. If Picky Pat disagrees, you can explain why.

Which leads Auntie to the next question…

Dear Auntie,

What do you do about a bad tipper?

Pissed Off


Dear “Pissed”,

Well, that depends on the context. The obvious answer is: you hope they get seated in someone else’s section next time.

If it’s a first date and you’re reckless, you can ask why and learn a lot about them. Factor that in if they ask for a second date.

Or, most likely, if it’s a friend who for some strange reason just never seems to leave enough of a tip, then you square your shoulders and leave an appropriate tip yourself. I put out my share of the bill and then say, “I’ll take care of the tip because I like to over-tip.” I say it because it’s true. I like to tip a little more than it seems most people do, but saying so also avoids any implied insult to my dining companion. If my companion is paying, I thank them first and then offer to leave the tip. Remember, always go to places where you can do this comfortably on your budget. You have to feel good about paying slightly more than your share in the name of Justice and Fair Play. Or you can just stick to fast food and avoid the issue entirely.


Hey, Aunt Scary,

My GF doesn’t pay attention to me when we eat out. I can be in the middle of a sentence and if a waitress or someone puts something in front of her she makes eye contact with them and says “Thanks!” even if I’m talking! It’s so rude!! She does it when they take stuff away too! She’s not listening to a word I say!! How do I get her to pay attention to me?

Invisible BF

Dear “Invisible”,

Try refilling her coffee cup. That should do it.